The Microphone Is Not Handed to Women—It’s Taken

Recently, I had a short but intriguing conversation with my dear friend and fellow board member at PAMF (Palo Alto Medical Foundation), Barbara. She was the most successful real estate broker in Silicon Valley for over a decade—a woman who shattered all records. As we spoke, we chuckled over the question: when a woman has something to say, is the microphone handed over freely, or is it taken?

That metaphor stuck with me. The idea lingered in my head for weeks.

As I approach my 75th birthday, I feel compelled to reflect—not just as an observer, but as someone who has lived through this reality. Decades of experience as a tech CEO and board member has shown me firsthand how women’s voices often go unheard.

I ask myself: Why are women still not counted? Why do young professional women find their voices drowned out in conference rooms?

There’s something about being bold, aggressive, or even mischievous—qualities encouraged in men but discouraged in women. From an early age, we are taught to comply, to be polite, to wait our turn. Speaking out too soon, too loudly, or too confidently is seen as arrogant, as “too much.”

But waiting to be noticed also does not work. You won’t be heard unless you contribute—and unless you make your opinions known.

Here’s what I have learned:

1. Speak Up—Way Before You Can’t Contain Yourself

Many women wait until they are bursting with an idea before speaking. By then, the moment has passed, or the conversation has moved on. Instead, find an opening early—even if it’s just a short comment or question—to establish your presence. Be mindful of the airtime you take, but don’t hesitate. And before you start speaking, mentally frame the first few words of your sentence—it helps with clarity and confidence.

2. Interrupt—Once, Twice, Even Thrice

If you’re ignored, don’t retreat. Raise your hand. If that does not work, interrupt to claim space. Men do it all the time, and it’s fully acceptable. Women hesitate, fearing they will be seen as rude. But if you don’t assert yourself, your voice will be lost.

3. Smile Before Speaking

A simple smile before you speak can soften your voice and increase your impact. It’s a small but powerful tool, especially in environments where women are judged more harshly for assertiveness.

4. Avoid the “Know-It-All” Look

Confidence is key, but overconfidence backfires. No one wants to hear from someone who seems unreceptive to others’ perspectives. Your words matter, but so does the way you present yourself.

5. Make an Effort—And See What Happens

Many women assume that if they speak up, they will be dismissed. But often, the real barrier is hesitation. Try it. Push yourself to take the microphone. You have earned the right to be heard, just as much as anyone else in the room. After all, that’s why you were invited to the meeting.

Final Thoughts

The world won’t hand women the microphone. We have to take it, own it, and use it to influence a change.

Not by waiting. Not by hoping someone will notice. But by speaking up, stepping in, and refusing to be overlooked.

At 75, I’m still learning. Still refining my voice. Still finding ways to make sure I’m heard.

And if there’s one lesson I want to pass on, it’s this: Don’t ask for permission but forgiveness, if you happen to be wrong—“Sorry, I did not fully understand.” That simple phrase disarms the listener and is powerful.