It was the afternoon of July 19th this year when I was returning from Minneapolis after a ten-day bridge tournament. Randomly, memories of Naren flashed back as I was thinking about my upcoming birthday on July 25th and then his, to see how old he would have been this October 3rd.
When the airplane took off, seeing the skies above and the ground slowly disappearing brought back the memories of how Naren initiated me into travel. At every opportunity, he would want to go on a trip. It did not matter where. Even as we argued a lot and tensions persisted in our marriage — about every walk of life — I would always want to tag along on travels. I soon got hooked on travel. My reasons may have been somewhat different at times than his, but slowly they converged.
Steadily, our travels started taking different shapes: from visiting countries (as he was always counting), then from budget travels to luxury travels, then on Lindblad’s adventure cruises — which later got acquired by National Geographic. He even paid $50K for each of us — we two and our two children — after 9/11, when all travel had come to a grinding halt. They were offering a lifetime $10K per year per person discount. I was mad, but he loved the deal. Then our travels evolved to more and more remote places.
The most memorable ones for me are: the trip to Antarctica on a National Geographic ship, facing treacherous waves over Drake’s Passage; the Ama Dablam base camp hike at an elevation of 13,300 ft in Nepal; and snorkeling in the Marquesas Islands, near Bora Bora. Seeing a spectacular display of the Northern Lights in the middle of extreme cold when we took off in a helicopter from Yellowknife in Canada, to further north. We had no showers and no toilets attached to our tent. Sticking our frozen butts out in the middle of the night was not fun. But wandering bundled up, chasing the green, pink, and yellow skies, was an unforgettable experience.
Then the airplane bush-hopping trip in Wrangell National Park in Alaska — landing on each mountaintop, spotting a small piece of flat land and landing— was fun. We saw the terrain from angles very few would see. During the same trip, we visited Katmai National Park in Alaska, watching bears catch and eat salmon jumping in the waterfalls. There, I came face to face with a bear at the crack of dawn. I was like a deer caught in headlights. I was frightened for my life for the first time ever.
That was the last trip we took together.
We were both difficult to please, expecting each other to do better. For example, he was an extraordinary man — rightly praised by everyone — but I never praised him, and likewise, he never praised me.
After his sudden death, almost five years back — which he also came close to when he had his first heart attack, 24 years earlier — it appeared as if I had played that movie before in my head. It does not make it any easier to live without him, though. Such is life.
I am sharing this because this Christmas it will be Naren’s five-year death anniversary.
I miss Naren. I wish I’d learned earlier to accept him with all his faults.
Living with someone for 47 years built strong strings of connection. And connections are what love is. Not perfection.
25 responses
A beautiful and deeply moving reflection on love, loss, and a lifetime of shared experiences. The reminder that love is not about perfection, but about the connections we build over the years, is especially powerful.
Thanks, Veronica.
Lovely post. I remember seeing photos & hearing about the Alaska trip & bear incident when we met both of you, just weeks before Naren Uncle suddenly passed. In fact, it was because of the guidance from both of you that Abhishek & I went to Canada (rather than Europe) to see the northern lights that winter. Love that both of you had lots of beautiful adventures together, and he lived such a full life ❤️
Thanks, Romita.
Vinita .. what an amazing memory you have recalled here with Naren . Thank you for sharing as this reminds me of my current state of mind in retirement wanting to travel as much as is possible to see different parts of this beautiful planet , people and cultures but limited by Sapna’s desire to stay grounded close to our kids and grandkids . Will continue to make the most of this time while good health permits us to explore and counting towards visiting 50 countries 🙏
Thanks for penning your note. Best wishes to you and Sapna.
True love implies acceptance. Unconditional acceptance.
One of my favorite quotes explains the difference between liking and loving:
I like you because…….
I love you even though…….
We learn, slowly but surely.
Thanks, Vijay.
Dear Vinita Didi,
Such a beautifully heartfelt reflection that captures the tenderness of love, the ache of loss, and the richness of a life woven together through shared moments.
It’s a reminder that love isn’t defined by perfection, but by the bonds we nurture over time.
We all miss Naren Jijaji profoundly and remember him with fond memories.
😍🤗Jini
So well put, Jini. Thank you.
Mesmerizing, Vinita. So much quiet wisdom in these lines. Thank you for sharing such a precious fragment of a life.
Thanks for your note, Rakesh.
Beautiful post, Vinita. Thank you for sharing the memories. You and Naren are an inspiration. We miss Naren!
Yes, he left his mark!
Amazing reflection, Vinita-good to share with me as I reflect on my marriage too. Let’s get together soon!
As I write, I want to be fair to Naren also.
But thank you.
In Poland till Sept 4th. Let’s grab lunch or coffee when you are free, my working lady!
Beautiful post-you are so brave both in your adventures and in the way you honestly look in the mirror. I think you and Naren were made for one another.
Perhaps we made each other.
Nearly 52 years ago you would have started this partnership journey with Naren uncle.
A journey that saw each of you reach unimaginable professional success, yet what I find most beautiful about this is something more profound – presence and acceptance.
Thank you for vulnerably sharing what was hard, trying and most importantly, revealing to you.
The reflection is your wisdom and your wisdom what we learn from.
You have such a way with words and you are effortlessly authentic. So moving to read this and a lesson about gratitude for what we have while we have it.
Thanks for adding to my narrative.
Vinita, we share so much in common with the similar time frame of our husbands’ passings, and all the travels, and good times we shared together as couples. I am writing this as I have now travelled alone by myself, to visit friends or on trips often times being 1 out of 3, or 5. The love and experience in the many years of marriage does count as I see it in you, in your strength and continued new experiences. Sometimes sadness and grief will always be there, but I so admire you keeping on.
Eddie and Naren were both very special guys in their fields.
Vinita, we also miss Naren. I admire both of you and your daughters for your adventurous trips. I also remember watching the movie you all had shown us about your trip to Antarctica, Patagonia etc. It was amazing experience for you all. I also wanted to visit Antarctica, but our cruise got cancelled due to Covid in 2021. With best wishes. Vivek
Namaste Dear Vinita Ji 🙏
What a beautiful memory you have recalled here with Naren 👌👌.
Thanks & Regards