The highs and lows of competition are often the most memorable. In any area of life, the euphoria of victory or the disappointment of defeat are the sharpest memories. But what I have discovered is that for me, the true joy in life is found in learning.
I am returning home once again after a 10-day-long national bridge Olympics. Ten days is a long time to be engaged in competition, especially when competing in something that is as mentally demanding as bridge. It is easy to get lost in the cards and forget about the outside world. Winning becomes your singular focus. Unfortunately, this time around we failed to win either of the two major tournaments. However, as we are heading home, I find that I am not discouraged.
When I think back over the past ten days, the emotion I feel is joy.
I could see many of the skills I have been working on take shape during this tournament, especially how to mentally prepare for the pressure. I used to be frightened walking into the competition hall filled with renowned bridge players. But this time, I was not focusing on them. I focused on the next set of 13 cards — the next deal and shut everything else out. I played a much more focused game than I have in the past. And although we did not win, the shift in mindset I made this time around definitely feels like hard-earned progress.
When I think about the satisfaction and happiness that my bridge game brings me, it reminds me of the happy face of my 2-and-a-half-year-old grandson who lives close by. When he was starting to walk, he would smile and tell me, “no hand naani”, as I watched him toddle along. Later, we would play basketball together and he joyfully clapped every time I would score a basket, or after he tossed the big basketball higher than his head, toward the grownup-height basket. Every time he comes to visit me, he is excited to do all those activities and show me what new things he has learned.
His joy in these small learnings reminds me how quickly we forget those beginnings of ours.
When I was approaching my 70th birthday, I told myself I needed to learn how to flip an egg in a frying pan, and how to ride a Lime scooter in San Francisco. The latter did not pan out well, when I brushed a truck and hit my unprotected head on the pavement, suffering a traumatic brain injury, (I am all good now!).
I am happy to report that four years later, flipping an egg is going much, much better. It is still hit or miss, but that is what I find fun about it. To increase the challenge, I chose a 3” diameter frying pan — the size of a fried egg. Then to mitigate the risk I put a large plate under, before flipping. My success rate then with the plate was 30%, 2/3 eggs broke only, half landing in the pan. However, when I removed the plate underneath, my boldness paid off: my success rate doubled to 60%! The next time when my grandson visited he said, “I want jumping egg naani”. Learning to flip the egg has brought us both a lot of joy.
So what does a 70-year-old learning to flip an egg have to do with bridge? By finding joy in learning new things, with triumphs and failures, no matter how small, I have learned new skills that help me in my bridge game.
On the last day of my recent tournament, I let myself take some liberties. Many expert players made their high bids, promising to win ten out of 13 tricks to win. These are players who have more experience than me; and have won more than me. And I had a choice to make. I could follow their lead. Bid a little high but keep my promise for tricks conservative. I could second-guess myself and my skills. I could flip the egg with the plate underneath.
But what I have learned from learning to flip that egg, is that sometimes, boldness is the edge we need to rise to the occasion. So instead, I bid high. I bet I would make 12 out of 13 tricks to win. And guess what, I made all 12, which gave me extra bonus points.
I flipped the egg without the plate. It didn’t win me the whole tournament. But trusting myself to be bold in the moment that mattered felt like a huge win to me.
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